we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
