i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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