two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
