im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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