he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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