Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize