Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
