i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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