we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
