What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
