i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
