in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize