Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
