i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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