I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
