Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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