no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
