Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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