i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
