There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
