some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
