I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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