you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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