20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
