yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
