He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
