Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
