Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
