I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
