I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i've created a new STD.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
