: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
