Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
