Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
