I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
