Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize