i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
