Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The best revenge is premature balding
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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