when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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