he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
