I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
