Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
