she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
