Kiss
Puke
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
