At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
