i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
love makes seman taste better
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
