i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
