we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
