Pants 0. Shit 1.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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