as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He has the fingertips of a God
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
