And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
