i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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