Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
