At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
