I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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