Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize