no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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