is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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