I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
