So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
