What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
