i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
