Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
