nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
