I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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