my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
