can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
did you just send me my own nude
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize