umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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