So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
