My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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