please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
