so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
