he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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