hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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