This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
