the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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